Bill the Galactic Hero by Harry Harrison

Author:Harry Harrison [Harrison, Harry]
Language: eng
Format: epub, pdf
Tags: Science Fiction, Fiction, General
ISBN: 9780743487078
Publisher: ibooks, Incorporated
Published: 2004-07-01T22:49:08+00:00

Scratching helplessly at the smooth walls, he shot down the golden tube which

turned gradually until, when he emerged, he shot through the air and fell,

sprawling, into a dusty metal alleyway. Ahead of him, painted on the wall with

foot-high letters, was the imperious message, GET LOST BUM.

He stood and dusted himself, and a robot sidled over and crooned in his ear

with the voice of a .young and lovely girl, "I bet you're hungry, darling. Why

not try Giuseppe Singh's neo-Indian curried pizza? You're just a few steps from

Singh's, directions are on the back of the card."

The robot took a card from a slot in its chest and put it carefully into

Bill's mouth. It was a cheap and badly adjusted robot. Bill spluttered the

soggy card out and wiped it on his handkerchief.

"What happened?" he asked.

"I bet you're hungry, darling, grrrr-ark." The robot switched to another

recorded message, cued by Bill's question. "You have just been ejected from The

Gold Space Suit, galaxy-famous on countless TV programs, because you are a

cheap bum. When you entered this establishment you were X-rayed and the

contents of your pockets automatically computed. Since the contents of your

pockets obviously fell below the minimum with cover charge, one drink, and tax,

you were ejected. But you are still hungry, aren't you darling?" The robot

leered, and the dulcet, sexy voice poured from between the broken gaps of its

mouthptate. "C'mon down to Singh's where food is good and cheap. Try Singh's

yummy lasagna with dhal and lime sauce."

Bill went, not because he wanted some loathsome Bombay-Italian concoction,

but because of the map and instructions on the back of the card. There was a

feeling of security in knowing he was going from somewhere to somewhere again,

following the directions, clattering down this stair well, drop. ping in that

gravchute, grabbing for a place in the right hookway. After one last turning

his nose was assaulted` by a wave of stale fat, old garlic, and charred flesh,

and he knew he was there.

The food was incredibly expensive and far worse than he had ever imagined it

could be, but it stilled the painful rumbling in his stomach, by direct assault

if not by pleasant satiation. With one fingernail he attempted to pry horrible

pieces of gristle from between his teeth while he looked at the man across the

table from him, who was moaning as he forced down spoonfuls of something

nameless. His tablemate was dressed in colorful holiday clothes and looked a

fat, ruddy, and cheerful type.

"Hi . . . !" Bill said, smiling.

"Go drop dead," the man snarled.

"All I said was Hi." Petulantly.

"That's enough. Everyone who has bothered to talk to me in the sixteen hours

I been on this so-called pleasure planet has cheated or screwed me or stolen

my money one way or another. I am next to broke and I still have six days left

of my See Helior and Live tour."

"I only wanted to ask you if I could sort of look through your floor plan

while you were eating."

"I told you, everyone is out to screw me out of something. Drop dead."

"Please."

"I'll do it-for twenty-five bucks, cash in advance, and only as long as I'm

eating.

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